Two Thoughts 

1. Do you ever look at a photo or video and not recognize yourself? And maybe it’s not recognition, but that I don’t feel connected to that person. I know it’s me. I know I’m the person who did the actions I’m looking at, but it just doesn’t feel like me. 

2. I want a lunch break again. I have all these amazing people, especially women, that I want to get to know better, but there isn’t time to sit and talk one on one and make those connections. It’s something I’m craving right now. 

Reinventing the Wheel

My birthday is one day away.

Like many other people probably do, I’m taking stock of my life before I begin my 35th year on this great big planet of ours. So many wonderful things. I bought a house this year, and it already feels like home. It finally feels like I am moving forward instead of sitting in stagnation.

I think because of these changes I’m also considering changes in myself. The past few months have introduced me to so many positive plus size people. Women who don’t care about what people think of them. Who don’t care what people think they should wear. Who say, “I’m going to do that yoga pose and I’m going to show it who’s boss.”

If you are in need of some inspiration to fall in love with yourself, click any of those links. And those are just their instagram accounts. So many of them have inspirational blogs and businesses. I feel like through them I’m learning to stop saying I can’t, or I shouldn’t, or I’m scared.

I feel like I go through these reinventions (or wanting to reinvent myself) every six months or so. My birthday and the end of the year being six months apart probably have something to do with it.

I’m hoping to remain positive, continue living with my word of the year “Zeal”, and make some other positive, life affirming changes in my life. Also, to buy a whole new wardrobe from ModCloth. That would rock.

And dye my hair lavender.

And get a white feather tattoo.

Oh man, so many fun things I want to do.

To thirty-five and the eighth of onward!

Techtonic Shift

I feel like I’m on the precipice of something big, of changing course. I don’t want to change everything, but I do want to change a lot. If I walked into my job tomorrow and quit, what would happen? The world wouldn’t end, but would I shake the rest of my world so much that lots of other things would fall apart? I feel like I’m capable of so much more, but I’m so stuck. I’m afraid of creating an earthquake. I want to dye my hair lavender and get a feather tattoo and go to the gym everyday and have money to buy my own home and have faith that it’s all I deserve and more. I want to make Cardboard Playhouse a household name and be recognized as an influential woman in my field. I want to mentor my kids to make smart bold choices and to tell them to not get stuck like I feel right now. I need to make a change. I’m spiraling quickly towards sadness about where I’ve taken my life. I know it’s terribly self centered to think my one shift will disrupt the whole universe, but it’s the way it feels. Would it disrupt it for the better?

Do I jump for the net to appear? Can it at least tell me kind of where it will be so I can jump in its general direction?